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INTRODUCTION. The author of these insane commentaries has had the sort of frustrating life so many failed intellectuals have. Mind you, only the author would describe himself as an intellectual but then, as shall be seen from a perusal of the awful stuff that follows the writer has managed late in life to vent his spleen on just about every topic that spleen needs venting on - in his egotistical view (and he enjoy being egotistical, even if he started being so late in life).

Enough of 'the author'. Lesson Number One in this author's lectionary: Authors should be game to write in the first person where necessary. So away with 'the author' (many would wish him well away!) and those horrid phrases beloved of some journalistic types - e.g. 'this correspondent noted . . .' and similar silly nonsense.

Only once did I succeed in having a letter published in the correspondence columns of a newspaper, although got as far as a phone call from a second one. I have written endless letters on endless topics to endless government departments and other bodies, most of them answered politely, but only one ever achieving anything at all!

I complained to a responsible authority about the dangerous state of a small wharf. I had taken my Sunday school scholars on a ferry trip via that wharf. (As you will discover in due course I have long since abandoned such useless pursuits as superintending Sunday schools; besides they wouldn't have an atheist anyway - although, come to think about it, they are tolerant of a lot of Very Strange Characters in the Church these days! Anyway, the wharf was fixed in a trice, much to my amazement! Authorities must have cared more in those days.

So here I am venting my spleen on my poor book-buying customers. My business dealing in old and useful books via catalogs was started late in a life that had achieved very little although had tried overmuch. So why not enjoy myself? We are all too hedged about with inhibitions. I was dreadfully inhibited as a young man. I relaxed forever when I opened a bookshop in downtown Newtown, an inner-city suburb of Sydney, a laid-back place if ever there was one. Best thing I ever did. Newtown changed me forever and made it impossible to treat with due solemnity many matters that other people think are serious. Thus my comments about books I have been selling. These embody my own frustrations, criticisms, observations and general rudeness!

The following are some example, for your enjoyment or dismay from catalogs issued over the past 20 or so years. These books have all now come and gone; don't order any!

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TM TECHNIQUE, The. Peter Russell. Peace for mind and body! Bit battered and stained [previous owner working out his frustrations]. Sold for $16.99; due to condition you can have it for a song. If you pay me the sum of - $5 - I'll tell you the song. You'll have to sing it to me over the phone. Yes, I am slowly going crazy; they call it senile dementia, you know.

KEILLOR, Garrison. LEAVING HOME. Collection of Lake Wobegon stories. I must confess that when they ran on ABC-Radio I found them singularly unfunny but doubtless my poverty-stricken childhood riding in hidden compartments on Manly ferries has something to with such a reaction. Anyway, I'll plead that to the judge.

DEVIL'S TRIANGLE, Richard Winer. 'Thousands lost - monstrous death trap.' Perhaps we could send a boatload of our politicians over there?

BRYSON, John. EVIL ANGELS. The full fictional [sic!] story of the death of Azaria Chamberlain; a tale of justice gone wrong. Strange idea; writing fiction about fact; never mind me, one of my pet hobby horses! Gee up there! Mrs Chamberlain on the front pix looks amazingly like Merryl Streep, an actress I can't stand!* Believe it or not I DO want to sell this book!

[* Addendum: Got to like her more later.]

FIRE FROM HEAVEN, Michael Harrison. Funny thing, spontaneous combustion never breaks out in the corridors of Parliament House. Pity!

A CENTURY OF ASHES, ed by Robin Bromby. Great read - for some people; I can't stand any sport, with one big exception - I like watching barefoot gym girls!

STRANGE CREATURES From Time and Space, John Keel. Hairy giants in flying machine, winged frighteners, phantom killers, three-armed monsters, ginger moggies (yes, folks, we once had one of those terrifying creatures and boy was she a tartar!). Terrifying collection.

BROWN, Max. NED KELLY: AUSTRALIAN SON. I must be a bit dense but I've never understood why Ned is so interesting; seems like just another petty criminal to me. Hundreds more interesting cases this century. But then I have always found most Australian history boring. And as for Nolan's famous tin-pot paintings [one of which adorns the cover], words fail. There go more of my customers - insulted again! Goodbye, I enjoyed getting your money now and then. Yes, I know I'm a philistine.

MARC DE PASCALE'S BOOK OF FATE. Astrology, character reading, cards, teacups, numbers of houses. I checked the latter. The number of my house tells me that religion is very important to its occupants. Daughter and Dad are both rabid atheists! Mr De P struck out somewhere! I am a good promoter of my books, aren't I?

COVELL, Roger. AUSTRALIA'S MUSIC. Includes a section on modern Australian composers. Frankly most of them, with an occasional exception, are no better at writing music than contemporary composers around the world. The muse seems to have departed, largely. Can't write MELODY any more, most of them, which is the very heart of music. Much of their output is just sound effects, in my ever opiniated view. My acid test: would I buy a CD of this or that piece? I would not buy one solitary CD of any contemporary composer's music. I am sure I must be boring you. (Warning: you'll be even more bored reading other people's catalogs!)

FAMILY GUIDE TO AUSTRALIAN LAW (Readers Digest). Lots of down-to-earth useful advice for every citizen. What to do when your budgie bites the Meals-on-Wheels lady; that sort of thing.

AUSTRALIA'S SNOWFIELDS, Henry Plociennik. MANY illst, including helping skibrats. Best photos: barefoot lady doing pre-ski exercises! I'm sure some of my predilections leave my customers COLD! (Note my increased mental activity for the New Year; it will take you even longer now to read through my catalogs; never mind, no extra charge!)

PENTHOUSE. Sept 1993. Nice to see some decent CLEAR photos in Penthouse these days. Hated those washy ones they used to favour; think it was Bob Guccione's own style. Like David Hamiltons little girls - they are spoilt by the wishy-washy looking-thru-Vaseline effect. IN MY EVER-HUMBLE VIEW!!! I'm not making much money out of this business - in fact ZILCH last month - so I may as well enjoy myself with rude comments. Back to business.

CROPP, Ben. WHALE OF A SHARK. Ben Cropp's exciting tale [or tail?] of adventure undersea. With a heap of bw + colour photos, including some of his shapely female helpers. Shall I make some more sexist remarks? Why not? I wonder if the sharks fancy eating a human female more than a grotty male? More sexist remarks? Yes, I'm in the mood! What a pity these Australian lovelies don't go nude like those Japanese fisherladies. I thought he had a wife he dived with. What happened to her? Eaten by a shark? If I don't stop this commentary somewhere there will be no space left to advertise any more books! Goodbye!

WOMEN OF CRISIS. First-hand accounts of five poor, uneducated American women. As I cannot find the slightest interest in this book I am obviously socially unaware AND a capitalist scumbag AND a male chauvinist pig. But perhaps someone will find it interesting!

MURDERED HEIRESS, LIVING WITNESS. Dr Petti Wagner. Frankly, I do not know what to make of this book. You have to be a believing Christian to accept it. I cannot accept it. Where to start? Biographical account: Dr Wagner, psychiatrist, is kidnapped, locked up, beaten, tortured and finally dies under electroshock. She has out-of-body experience, then comes back to nail her tormentors, who prove to be VERY close to her. For some reason or other God helped her in a very personal way, even to detailing (in words) how she could undo 300 screws in a window with a spoon! He doesn't seem to help hundreds of others of believers in nasty situations! Why Dr Wagner? I was left gasping. Again I say, one has to be a believer, and I'm not. Wasn't before reading this and certainly I'm not after reading it.

SCIENCE SHOW 2, edited by Robyn Williams. [It actually says: 'SCIENCE SHOW II' but I refuse ever to use ridiculous Latin numerals, even though I do read Latin a bit. The Arabic numbers serve perfectly well for everything, even designating royalty, e.g. 'Henry 8th'. A pox be upon the heads of all publishers and scholars who try to confuse ordinary mortals with Latinisms. Well, after that diatribe, take heed: This is a good copy and includes some interesting stuff, e.g.: Supertrains, N-rays, Creation science [should have been 'science' - in parentheses], Close encounters of absurd kinds [creation science?], and, the pièce de résistance, THE COMING OF THE FAIRIES. No, not gays, 'real' fairies. [Boy, I am in a mood at the moment!] An exposé of those famous fairy pix. Aren't fairies, as usually depicted, sensuous, even sexy, barefoot creatures? Yes, I am at last about to end all this didactic pellagra!

BOOK OF WEREWOLVES. Sabine Baring-Gould. Modern HC reprint of the folklorist's study of the history of werewolves, originally published (I think) around end last century when they wrote GOOD STUFF! Baring-Gould also wrote that dreadful dirge (hymn), 'Onward Christian Soldiers'.

MOVIE BOOK, The. Steven H Scheur. 'THE' is probably right! 'Comprehensive, authoritative, omnibus volume', etc. with chatty commentary and 400 bw photos. Incl naked Hedy and Outlaw Russell. What a pity that damned Hayes Office got going when it did; what wonders might we not have beheld? Sorry everyone but I loathe self-appointed moralists and ALL censors.

PETERSON, Dale. The DELUGE AND THE ARK. Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1989, 378p. illst. An odd adventure story. Peterson travelled around world searching out primates of all kinds and the threats they were under. With Foreword by Jane Goodall. Ah, some of them are so close to us; they share about 98 percent or more of the same genes. Sorry, all you creationists, but you ARE closely related to monkeys (some more closely than others, I dare say)! How much more exciting is the picture evolutionary theory gives us of life on earth than the creationist claptrap! More religious customers scatter! Yes, I know, I'm doomed to hellfire. Scared stiff, I am! Back to this excellent and interesting book . . .

PHOTOGRAPHS OF JOSEPH BROKENSHIRE. Catalog of an exhibition in Rockdale (NSW) Town Hall, 1988. Early Australian photos. Pity the compilers didn't know the difference between a 'goal' and a 'gaol'! (twice they used the wrong word; what ignoramuses!).

EROTIC AEROBICS. Peter Barry. Many full-colour glowing pix of healthy young ladies doing aerobics in minimal attire. Plenty of breasts, greasy bodies and bare feet, but every single photo is spoilt by UGLY MESSY LEG-WARMERS. What poor taste Mr Barry [a noted purveyor of such photographs, I should in fairness add] has! But I'm sure many men would enjoy it.

FLYING TIGERS. Russell Whelan. Story of the American volunteer group in China. There's a tiger-bite of paper missing from the front of DW, which is a pity as it has a neat drawing of a shark-faced plane diving but the plane itself is virtually all there (strange resemblance to one or two Aussie politicians, I'd say).

ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF MAN'S UNKNOWN HISTORY. Robert Charroux. Well-known author in New Age field looks at 'apocalyptic revelations of man's prehistory' - phew! Proof positive of atomic war in India, Venusians settled in Andes [well, it's probably cold enough], Supreme Regent of Agartha [I'll give you a clue: his initials are PK, and I don't mean chewing-gum.]. (For overseas readers: The initials PK were those of the Australian Prime Minister at the time.)

JAYNE MANSFIELD. Biography of JM. Including connection with Satanist Anton Lavey. There's a pix of her at Las Vegas, wearing those stupid pasties moralists insisted on and, for all her fame, I don't think she had very nice breasts. There; that'll upset some of my lady readers - again! Love upsetting people. My book, 'How to Enrage Customers and Lose Book Sales' is coming out soon! Back to Jayne - FG (mottled edge - I refer to the book not the departed Jayne).

ROYAL JELLY. Irene Stein. Is royal jelly the mess the Royal Family get into? Supposed to be 'nature's richest health food'. I wonder! I think it has actually killed one or two folk! Maybe it would be useful for voluntary euthanasia? Nice a way as any to go.

LONDON SYMPHONY: Portrait of an Orchestra. Love to have time to read this! Story of the famous British orchestra, with anecdotes, behind-the-scenes, etc. associated with Sir Thomas Beecham and one of my all-time favourite composers, Elgar (second only to Beethoven in my pantheon of musical gods, followed closely by Sibelius - my Trinity, one might say; there, what odd tastes I have!).

GRAMMAR AND STYLE GUIDE. 'World Book' Desk Reference Set. USA book but not much difference in matters of style these days. Naughty me, I have my own special ideas and I pursue them regardless, e.g. I HATE Roman numerals and I use 'CE' and 'BCE' for dates as Jesus of Nazareth isn't 'my lord' or the centre of history so far as I am concerned. End of lesson. Collection plate handy on way out; please contribute to the Atheists' Retirement Village project and get me put away all the sooner!

HOW TO RUN A SUCCESSFUL MEETING in HALF THE TIME. Boy, oh boy, what a great idea for a book. So many organizations need it. So much waffle and drawn-out piffle in meetings that I avoid joining any committee anywhere to do with anything. How I remember with pain the church committee meetings of my earlier days, with people debating PASSIONATELY such minutae as the flowers for the communion table or whether to start some meeting at 7.30 or 8 pm, and so on.

NOTHING GREAT IS EASY. The Des Renford Story. Ironbark Press. Yes, I DO know he's a swimmer by the picture on the front. He's the crazy who swam back and forth across the Channel. Oh well, whatever turns one on. Absolutely beyond my imagination why anyone would want to do such a thing. But then it would be absolutely beyond some folk's imaginings if they knew some of my interests!!! And some of you do - yes, all of my interests, I hide nothing.

MEANING OF DREAMS, The. Calvin S. Hall. An oldie but may interest dream-chasers. Personally I think all common theories of dreams are bunkum, from Freud to New Age. I think they are meaningless; a fictional creation, just as a writer creates a story consciously, woven from bits and pieces in one's brainbox. End of another burst of tendentious Markism. [No, not Marxism!] But please buy my book, won't you? A steal [from you, by me] at just: $5

DAVIES, Paul. THE MIND OF GOD. Science and the Search for Ultimate Meaning. My chance to sound forth on Mr Davies. I haven't read this but have heard him on radio. The basic problem is that he and others like him still presuppose 'God' - a concept derived ONLY from religion and its specious revelations. Whatever he says, it is still goes back to some of the basic arguments of the old philosophers and thinkers, ALL of which can easily be demolished by any intelligent high school student. There is still no argument in favour of GOD. It is and can never be anything else than a leap of faith to embrace deity, unless one of the multiplied deities actually does finally appear on earth. None has done so EVER, unless we wish to believe the many receivers of revelations, ALL of whom without exception received their insights ALONE! Conveniently. Well, at last I've had my chance to attack Mr Davies. The book is VG except that someone has dug a pick-axe into the back pages. No, not me! Good luck to Mr Davies; I guess it has made him rich! At least some good has come out of his speculations. I remain an unrepentant and militant atheist.

ROGET'S THESAURUS. I know Roget's is around in umpteen editions. But this is one for the bookshelf. It is 'Completely revised and modernised' and published by Longmans in a nice hardcover edition in 1962. Some of the cheapies are much reduced in content and printed abominably. This one has 1309 largish pages of good paper. With the DW off the spine looks very handsome. (And having said all that I cannot help but say: I NEVER use a thesaurus; it is against my religion!)

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR SIGHT. Margaret Corbett. Unusual topic for a Faber book! I'm not very convinced but you're welcome to buy it. Indeed, please buy it and I can put the money towards my next pair of glasses.

PICCANINNY WALKABOUT. Alex Poignant. This wonderful - and surely never-to-be-repeated - capturing of Aboriginal life, especially among the kids, has turned up in a very nice copy. I rarely envy anyone but as a photographer I do envy Mr Poignant; he has caught something that, as I say, will probably never be caught again. And what a damned pity white people have clothed the bodies of those lovely kids, as they do of white kids. What stupid hangups many have about the body - we are the true 'ninnies'! Ah me, we have much to answer for.

TEENAGE STRESS: A Guide for Parents. Dr Charmaine Saunders. Don't know why but this book is produced in a peculiar fashion. Has an alphabetical reference section at one end and - UPSIDE-DOWN, a text section you read from the other end. Perhaps there is a Hebrew influence in there somewhere! Curious, can't see any explanation for this odd gimmick. Oh well, I'm not allowing myself to get stressed worrying about it. The book is near-NEW. Perhaps its last owner gave up trying to read half of it upside-down?

LESSING, Doris. The FIFTH CHILD. How do I determine what goes under 'Literature' and what goes under 'Popular Fiction'? I often haven't a clue as I rarely read fiction myself; mostly guesswork! In my youth I read the Russians, and crime fiction, even westerns! But never Dickens! or Hardy! Tut, tut! And certainly not Patrick White. Prefer the real stuff of history these days, which I consume in vast quantities at breakneck speed.

BACKPACKER'S DIGEST. Leam/O'Neal. Bit big to pack in a backpack! Oh well, it is certainly packed with backpackers packaged backpacking stuff, in fact it is CRAMMED with information from front to back and back to front again. If you want to go packing backpacks. Not my cup of tea; like a nice comfie motel, if I can afford it. [My specialist tells me the tablets I'm on can make me euphoric; hence my new burst of mental activity. Emphasis on the 'mental' say some customers, poor sods having to buy off me. But where else, tell me, can you get such great books at such high prices? . . .]

OR I'LL DRESS YOU IN THE MORNING. Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre. This is a famous book about bullfighting. I detest such cruelty but I do not believe in any form of censorship whatever so I'll sell the book. It is hardcover with 339p + bw photos, including gore at no extra charge. All I can say is that the great 'Carmen' film with the delectable Julia Migenes was spoilt by the dreadful bullfight at the start and that if there is mourning for bullfighters I hope there is a lot of it; I can only wish them dead. I feel so strongly about their 'manly' art; they and their Spanish audiences are scum. Well, at least by selling this book I've had a chance to sound forth - yet again - and lose all my one Spanish customer. Actually I think he went years back! Of course, we all remember the Inquisition, which flourished in that same cruel country.

JUDD, Stephen, and CABLE, Kenneth. SYDNEY ANGLICANS. Fancy, I used to be one of them; in the thick of the Evangelical milieu there. Now I'm going to perdition instead! Think I like Catholics better these days than one-eyed Evangelical Anglicans.

$50,000 FOR a FEW HOURS WORK DOESN'T SEEM FAIR. Gabby Molnar. Success-type book, Aussie. Don't know who Gabby Molnar is. Oh well, someone might get inspired by it and eventually own a yacht and a snazzy car as featured on the front cover; maybe?!? Meanwhile send me the $5 so I can have a yacht and a car, too.

COUVOISIER'S BOOK OF THE BEST. Ed Lord Lichfield. Sort of tourist guide for style-conscious people. With INNUMERABLE panels, tit-bits, et al. e.g. 'Singapore: Best Stores'; 'Thailand: Best Whorehouses' - NO, I jest, that's not in it! Oops! I'm dead wrong, it IS; just had a better look under 'Night Life'. Don't they do it in the daytime? It is, for example, easy to park at Bubbles, so it says! Never been to Thailand; behave myself. I'm sure this book has lots of fun reading - and naughty ideas - in it. And good ideas, too!

LIVE AND KICKING. Shannon Dolan [sorry, not Doherty! Now isn't she just something?] and John Novak. The pix show Ugly Boots all the way through but there's a terrific full-colour pix on front in bare feet. Yes, I know, I'm mad. That's why the doctor has me on pills at present, although he pretends it is for my blood problem. He can't fool me!

FROM THE FAIR: Autobiography of SHOLOM ALEICHEM. Lived as a boy in poverty in a Russian Jewish ghetto. (Not all Jews are rich; in fact the great majority in the world are VERY poor, a point often overlooked by those who both praise and revile them! Conveniently, for their specious arguments!)

DEVESON, Anne. TELL ME I'M HERE. Yes, Anne, I think you are! Apparently about schizophrenia. Politicians catch it a lot; most politicians are one person before an election and an entirely different one afterwards!

KENEALLY, Thomas. SCHINDLER'S LIST. Book of the film. I didn't realize it was a novel, which casts some doubtful light on the film script. Wonder why he couldn't have written a REAL history? Was it all too tenuous? I guess I'm out of step again! [I don't mind the Frenchies letting off their bombs, either! Oops - there go three more customers.]

COOMBS, H.C. TRIAL BALANCE. Can anyone tell me why he is called 'Nugget'? And for that matter why 'Weary' Dunlop? I happen to hate nicknames - aren't I opiniated saying this? But I'd like to know why proper prenames are not used for these folk.

OTHER LOVE, The. Montgomery Hyde. Study of homosexuality in Britain as at that date. We have come quite a way since then; some think too far!!! (Not my view, I hasten to add; although I have no great homosexual leanings - just a flicker of interest in my teens, which passed - I am very sympathetic to the cause and the cause of sexual freedom for consenting adults generally.)

UNEXPLAINED, The. Some Strange Cases in Psychical Research. Andrew Mackenzie. They should promote a book like this with a free sample of ectoplasm, I'd say, but sorry, none available this time.

HANDBOOK ON TONGUES INTERPRETATION and PROPHECY. Don Basham. Now here's something different! I must exercise great restraint and avoid comment. I have in fact been in gatherings where tongues were spoken, many moons back. But the spirit found me too hard-hearted and I didn't join in. Enuf! I'll say too much if I'm not careful. I am sure this very unusual book is worth every cent of . . .

PARK, Ruth. A FENCE AROUND THE CUCKOO. [Does that title refer to me?] Autobiography of the famous writer.

UNQUENCHABLE FLAME, The: Life of Philip 2nd (of Spain). By Marguerite Eyer Wilbur. It IS history but one of those books that includes long sections of conversation from who-knows-where? Some authors seem to tap a secret source of recordings of such conversations! Was tape recording invented that far back? Reads more like a novel than history, e.g. it starts: 'An aged woman emerged from a cave high in the mountains . . .' and the noonday sun strikes her (the author even knows it was noon) and so on. Do I really want to sell this book? My customers must wonder. Sorry, just can't help myself. I think people should write either fiction or fact but not mix them up!!! I cannot bring myself to ask for this histoire pauvre more than . . .

CRIME, MYSTERY and DETECTION, Great True Stories of. (Readers Digest). RD must have been feeling the pinch when they printed this on butcher's paper; in fact, I think butcher's paper is of better quality!

(JOYCE, James). The BLOOMSDAY BOOK, by Harry Blamires. A Guide Through Joyce's Ulysses. It sure needs a guide; I gave up after a few pages, but then some people think I'm a philistine!

ILLUMINATED BOOK OF DAYS. Ed by Kay and Marshall Lee. Illsts by Kate Greenaway. The great John Ruskin once criticized his protégé Kate Greenaway for not having more of the children in some pictures she'd done in bare feet; obviously a man after my own heart! They seem to be all wearing shoes in this book but it is a delightful work anyway, with HEAPS of Kate's pix.

I HATE DOS: The Friendly Guide to DOS. I have found the Que computer books to be the clearest of any I have purchased. Mind you, I've never had to worry about stupid DOS with my Apple Mac. (Sorry can't help giving a free plug for the ONLY computer that is worth bothering about). But if you're stuck with the DOS monstrosity, this book should help you understand its mysteries. (Better you ditch your DOS/Windows computer and go buy a Mac. My son and I between us have five of them them and are not interested in buying anything else, even at half the price.) But if you persist with DOS, this book is cheap at . . .

CRICKET - McGILVRAY, the GAME GOES ON . . . As told to Norman Tasker. Ah yes, the game DOES go on and on - ad nauseum! Same thing, game after game, ball goes down, is hit, some people run, same thing, on and on. When I was a young techie working at 3UZ Melbourne and did the outside broadcasts I used to bury my head in a book while the cricket was played (and the football and the horse racing, for that matter). But the cricket people put on a nice lobster salad for us free! There go two or three more clients. Ah me, I'll have nobody left to buy my books soon. What an irascible old man I'm becoming. Anyway, if I've got a single cricket fan left to buy this book it is going for . . .

LYNN. Autobiography of LYNN SEYMOUR. Royal Ballet dance star. 'Notoriety, motherhood and several official and unofficial marriages.' Phew, didn't know classical ballet affected people that way! Had long friendship with Nureyev, perhaps that had something to do with it.

PHOBIAS. Joy Melville. Animals, and SCHOOL (yes, I had a phobia to it!). Confined spaces, storms, spiders, politicians (another of mine), used car salespersons, real-estate agents, dentists (when I was a kid they had to chase me down the street once to get me back into his chair), and so on thru the whole gamut of terrors. An unusual and useful book.

LINDSAY, Jane. PORTRAIT OF PA: NORMAN LINDSAY AT SPRINGWOOD. With bw photos, etc. incl. one of a naked nymphette. I for one am deeply grateful to NL for helping break down the absurd attitudes to nudity in our country. Although they are still with us to some degree yet. Why do people get so uptight about the human body, male or female. Perhaps it all goes back to the Genesis fable?

GHOST HUNTER'S ROAD BOOK. John Harries. With maps of ghost territory in UK. Ex-Library (St Pius College - were they searching for THE ghost? They'll never find him.)

FILM REVIEW. By F. MAURICE Speed. A fascinating annual of film news, lavishly illustrated with numerous stills and star photos, mostly in bw but a few in colour. This annual is not in good shape but it does, however, have two delightful photos of Yvonne de Carlo dancing barefoot in the movie 'Sahara'. She is the only Hollywood star I ever met (as a radio technician in my young days) but she was not then barefoot, unfortunately! [New users of my catalogs will get used to my personal comments; I've been writing them this way for some years past; can't help myself - I enjoy life! A pox be on the heads of all grumps.]

ZEN and THE ART OF TEA CEREMONY. Horst Hammitzsch. Zen turned the Tea Cult into the Tea Way, so it says. 'The Tea ceremony . . . strives to engender the ultimate freedom of self-surrender,' and suchlike waffle. The philistine in me says to such things Japanese: 'Gobbledegook!' Obviously I've had a deprived childhood and my daughter says I don't comprehend Zen, but then I have no desire to! (Fortunately I do not as yet have any Japanese customers.)

WAUGH, Evelyn. OMNIBUS hardcover edition (they are called this because folk read them on the upper decks of London's omnibuses, or perhaps I should say omnibii).

POLTERGEIST! Colin Wilson. The famous writer of The Occult delves into a haunting of a DESTRUCTIVE kind. The Black Monk of Pontefract began haunting a family in 1966 (probably looking for the gin) and Wilson studied the phenomenon. He is a believer, I think.

HØST, Per. CHILDREN OF THE JUNGLE. This is a very grubby copy but has a nice centre section of bw photos of 'children' in the broad sense and actual young children from Central America. One older teenage girl has absolutely magnificent breasts. [Someone once asked me whether I was worried about some of the things I said. No way! There is nothing illegal in saying such a thing and I like saying it! It's what you DO that matters. And I don't do it!]

COLLINS GUIDE TO DOG NUTRITION. Donald D. Collins. 'Complete contemporary update of the modern masterwork for all dog feeders.' Give 'em Pal, is what I say! Mixed up with ground glass, say my moggies!

JOWETT, George F. The DRAMA OF THE LOST DISCIPLES. An exposition of the Anglo-Israel view of Christianity. And why not? May as well have another version of Christianity, along with Mormonism, Millennial Dawnism, Catholicism, Orthodoxy, Anglicanism, Methodism, Arminianism, Calvinism, Lutheranism, Sun Myung Moonism, Children of Godism, Brethrenism, Pentecostalism, and (one of the most recent) Toronto Blessingism. The more the merrier, I say! [Oh dear, I have been trying to restrain myself on religious matters of late - don't want to lose more customers but then Christians thrive on persecution so I need not worry overmuch.]

WELDON, John, and LEVITT, Zola. PSYCHIC HEALING. Evangelical Christian exposé of occult phenomena. I think the authors actually believe in Satan and that HE is behind such healings. Sort of, your Spirit is the wrong spirit, my Spirit is the right one. I sometimes wonder why I sell some books but then, as my Jewish book-dealer friend (who is always telling me Jewish jokes) would say, selling a New Testament, 'business is business!'

ALL YOU GET IS ME. k.d. LANG, with Victoria Starr. [Does that preposition have special meaning? I jest; even if I don't like her music, I like k.d. She seems like a decent human being to me and that counts for much in this mad world.] And she has on an odd occasion appeared barefoot on stage, which adds greatly to her stature in my book. The life story of a famous singer; dare I say icon?

YUTANG, Lin. LADY WU. A True Story. Cruel, pleasure-loving 7th century Empress. Remarkable how those conversations have been preserved through so many centuries; but then, the conversations of Jesus have been preserved for two thousand years. They have, haven't they?

KNOW-HOW in the SURF. John Bloomfield. Australian book. One of my dad's enduring tales was how he lost his false teeth in the surf. He was a lifesaver; unlike his puny son! Looks to be an interesting book, with a good number of photos and sketches of horrid creatures (bluebottles, sea wasps, etc. I grew up at Manly but managed to avoid ever getting stung by bluebottles or taken by a shark [pity, say some!]). Well, for this VERY interesting book I'm asking (HC, A+R, FG/ndw) and not a cent more will I take [I must be in a good mood doing this catalog, even though my clients may become glum reading it!].

DAVIS, Patti. THE WAY I SEE IT. Autobiography of daughter of President & Mrs Reagan. That famous virtuous American Christian Family was a sham behind the scenes (are we surprised?). Patti was conceived out of wedlock, her mother combined astrology with Christianity, her parents fought with each other, her mother beat her day and night. Seems to encapsulate the American dream. Or nightmare. Depends on which analyst you go to. Sidgwick & Jackson HC, 335p.

AUSTRALIAN ABORIGINAL, The. Text Roland Robinson, Photos Douglas Baglin. Nice A4+ HC book (Reed Books). Good selection colour photos of Aborigines, including the usual (delightful) naked children. Racism! Would a similar book about white people show the kids naked? Reminds me of the old days when the National Geographic pursued its racist policies, showing bare-breasted African ladies but NEVER a bare-breasted white one. There I go again, didacticizing [yes, made that up; everybody else seems to be coining language these days, e.g. that grating 'prioritizing',why not me?]

ANTIPODEAN ARK, The. Creatures from PREHISTORIC AUSTRALIA. Some are in our Parliaments, clinging to outdated moral codes.

HISTORY OF THE SYDNEY G.P.O. The City's Centrepiece. Right back to the beginnings, with lots interesting photos - e.g. behind the clock face & so on. Can't see any of the surly buggers who used to serve there when I was a young mail-boy. Are they all buried in some deep resting-place beneath that vast building? And good riddance!

DECLINE & FALL of the ROMAN EMPIRE. This is a greatly abridged version of Gibbon's monumental work, in A4+ HC format, profusely illst. w. dying Romans all over the place. Heaps of illsts, bw + colour. A large 'coffee-table' book - & a warning to us, eh? Is Western civilization declining? Sign of the times: you can't get the crispy bacon. That's what the Roman citizenry first noticed. [Yes, I haven't taken my medication today!]

C.T. STUDD & PRISCILLA. Eileen Vincent. Studd was famous as a cricketer who gave up all to go missioning in far parts. Held up as an example to us youngsters. From one boredom to another, in my view. Oops! I'll try to behave myself better come New Year but don't sweat on it. I'm not making any resolutions. Kingsway pb, 251p. w. some photos crummily reproduced, in fact some of the worst photo printing I've ever seen. Done on the mission press? Else VG. Yes, I'm late tonight taking my medication. I'll feel better later.

NOTE: All the Penguins listed in this section this month come from the same source, w. name in front, & are of similar vintage, bit worn & well-used, & all the paper has faded to Penguin Brown (a special Penguin variety not known to ornithologists).